Band-ing the Law

A good friend of mine who was a KL court regular once told me a story of a friend of his who was also a legal practitioner whose name I had forgotten. Let us just call him John.

Now, John had a full trial on one particular morning at one of the high courts in KL Court Complex, and he was already in court and had everything ready. His cross exam questions, the bundles, the file itself and his stationeries and stacks of A4 printing papers which he used for writing on. No pads or laptops for him for old school was his school.

He was ready to rumble that morning except for the fact that he could not find his bands. That polyester thing you have wrapped around your neck when you have a matter in High Court. He had somehow lost the thing despite having turned his car upside down looking for it. Robed up but still not completely dressed for open court according to the dress code, all for want of a pair of bands.

The clock showed that it is 5 minutes to 9 am. No time for him to beg for, borrow or rent a pair of bands from anyone or anywhere before the Court is in session. The old adage that necessity is the mother of all inventions hold true that morning. He had the ingenuity and quickness of mind in the 5 minutes to remember that he had a stack of A4 papers with him and that the dress code only requires robe and bands (or bib) for open court matter in High Court. It was never specified what kind of band it should be. After a quick snip snap there with a pair of scissors and a bit of sellotape , Lo and Behold! A PAIR OF DISPOSABLE BANDS!

He had the peculiar pair of bands on throughout the trial that day, it was not known whether he carried the day. If the Yang Arif noticed that John’s bands looked out of the ordinary he was too well bred to say anything about it, after all suspicion is not proof. Same goes with John’s fellow practitioners in the courtroom and his opponent who saw the creation of the pair of bands. At all times one must keep in mind the legal maxim that what the law does not prohibit, it allows. Who is to challenge the authenticity of John’s pair of bands even if it is abnormally papery (arguably of natural fiber origin instead of the usual polyester) when the maker is present in court? It looks like a pair of bands ergo it is a pair of bands.

Upon the telling of the tale, we who sat around the table hooted and sniggered and chuckled and sipped on our Teh Tarik for we were at the court cafeteria, and it was the time between the old (criminal) cases are called at 9 am and new ones are called at around 10 or 11.30 am. Enough time for tea and a smoke. The table moved on to another juicy lawyerly gossip and I treated the story as one of those you hear but no one can confirm it really happen: fiction so to speak. However in time, it was for me to turn fiction into fact.

Years and years later I had a simple withdrawal of representation hearing at one of KL’s High Court by way of Zoom and I elected to attend it at my room in the office as I had cause papers to draft and legal opinions to issue afterwards. I had the hearing cause paper and my robes ready but for the life of me I cannot locate the darned bands. Just so happens that no one else in the office had their bands with them on that particular day. It wouldn’t be so bad if it happened at KL Court as you can rent a pair of bands from the Bar Room or buy a new one at the bookshop at B1. Sometimes I do feel like it is my lot in life for all these incidences to happen to me but bemoaning my Fate will not change anything. While I was cracking my brains, turning my car upside down in search of the missing bands, thinking where in the world can I find a spare pair of bands within 10 minutes, the story came back to me and I thought to myself:

Why not?  It is worth a try. I have at least 10 minutes before the hearing and we do have boxes of A4 paper for the printer/photocopier and I do have a pair of scissors, somewhere.

So there I was, attending a hearing with a pair of paper bands of my own fashioning, all the while trying to remain stock still to make sure that the damned thing won’t look too suspiciously handmade on video. I even switched off the AC to avoid any unwanted fluttering. If the judge noticed it, he said nothing about it. The hearing concluded and I taped the paper bands to my wall as a reminder that sometimes things can go wrong and we must make do with what we have and that sometimes, a pair of paper bands are better than no bands at all.

Ever since then I have always made sure my bands are where I knew they would be within reach and I keep a spare ream of A4 paper handy. Just in case.

 

Note:

Bar Council Circular No 004/2012 states that the Male Attire among others should consist of:

Kemeja Lengan panjang warna putih dengan wing collar warna putih dan bib.

(Shirt) White long sleeves with white wing collar and bib.

 

Let them eat (Oat)cakes!

Where I was a few days ago they botch a bowl of oatmeal porridge like nobody’s business. What they serve out would be something that falls into oat glue category rather than oatmeal porridge and I don’t even know how they managed that. It is hard to ruin a good bowl of oatmeal porridge considering making one is easy. You don’t need fancy cooking skills. Just some oats (steel cut, rolled, who cares), water or milk in a pot, medium heat, a bit of time till it bubbles and there you are. Or if you have a microwave oven, 2-3 minutes will do the trick for a bowl of oatmeal porridge. Add a knob of butter or brown sugar or anything else that strikes your fancy. Maybe some Sambal Goreng Kak Nor for that extra crunch and spiciness. Maybe a hearty dollop of Tempoyak if you are feeling reckless. Hey, it’s your oatmeal. I don’t judge.

If you don’t feel up to a bowl of oatmeal porridge try this what I erroneously call, oatcakes.

In a big bowl, mix in a cup and a half of oats (does not matter whether it is instant, quick cook or what have you) with a dash of baking soda, some brown sugar (not too much). Then take the same cup and fill it half with hot water (less if you like your oatcakes to be of harder consistency). If you are lazy like me to wait for the butter to soften, just add some to a less than half cup of hot water and stir whilst looking out the kitchen window. Dump the hot water/butter mixture into the bowl and mix. Add more butter if you want to. You will end up with a sticky mound of oat. Add a bit of flour to the bowl and mix if you find it necessary. Dump the whole thing into a baking tray lined with a baking sheet. Some recipes called for more flour and modest application of rolling pin and cookie cutter prior to baking. I say to hell with all that. So long as it is sufficiently round and (somewhat) flat, bake it in the oven over temperatures of 180 for at least 35 minutes, 45 minutes max. You can bake the same in an air fryer. Same temperature and time.  

After 45 minutes and depending on the water to oats ratio, you will end up with a cookie-like crunchy exterior with slightly chewy interior. Play around with the oat to water ratio and the amount of butter for best results. You can go all fancy if you like with some grated cinnamon, raisins or nuts. It is your oatcake after all. I kept my simple. If the situation calls for it, the bare recipe calls for just oats, water and a pinch of salt and some baking. Best eaten hot for breakfast or tea. The remainder will keep for at least a week. More if frozen. Reheated remainder will go down nice dunked in milk or crumbled in a bowl of warm milk. French cookery this is not but 9 of 10 times I had this served out to my boys, they ate them all up. Clean plates all around.

Oats are food for horses, the Scots and me (and my boys). Humble food they call it. I've loved it ever since I first had it in my childhood years. Hardy crop, fairly cheap grain and like previously mentioned, easy to cook. If done badly it can taste like wet cardboard. When done right it is a comfort food that sticks to your bone. Boil it, toast it, leave in the fridge for a night with some nuts, raisins and yoghurt to soak in. Make porridge, cakes, bread, cookies out of it. Use it as filler for patties, meatballs and meat loafs, or as substitute for breadcrumbs when frying stuff and if you are trying to lose weight; a great substitute for rice. Your stomach will thank you (regularly), as will your heart and your blood pressure. On the practicalities, oats has long shelf life. 12 months to 2 years (if the package remained unopened) Perfect survival food for doomsday preppers and for quarantines alike. If I can grow a small field of it in my backyard I would have done so. Versatile stuff.

I wrote this because after that bowl of goop I felt an analogy stirring in me. Something about oats, versatility and legal practice.

Ah, never mind. I lost it.

Eat oats. Its good for you.