Let them eat (Oat)cakes!

Where I was a few days ago they botch a bowl of oatmeal porridge like nobody’s business. What they serve out would be something that falls into oat glue category rather than oatmeal porridge and I don’t even know how they managed that. It is hard to ruin a good bowl of oatmeal porridge considering making one is easy. You don’t need fancy cooking skills. Just some oats (steel cut, rolled, who cares), water or milk in a pot, medium heat, a bit of time till it bubbles and there you are. Or if you have a microwave oven, 2-3 minutes will do the trick for a bowl of oatmeal porridge. Add a knob of butter or brown sugar or anything else that strikes your fancy. Maybe some Sambal Goreng Kak Nor for that extra crunch and spiciness. Maybe a hearty dollop of Tempoyak if you are feeling reckless. Hey, it’s your oatmeal. I don’t judge.

If you don’t feel up to a bowl of oatmeal porridge try this what I erroneously call, oatcakes.

In a big bowl, mix in a cup and a half of oats (does not matter whether it is instant, quick cook or what have you) with a dash of baking soda, some brown sugar (not too much). Then take the same cup and fill it half with hot water (less if you like your oatcakes to be of harder consistency). If you are lazy like me to wait for the butter to soften, just add some to a less than half cup of hot water and stir whilst looking out the kitchen window. Dump the hot water/butter mixture into the bowl and mix. Add more butter if you want to. You will end up with a sticky mound of oat. Add a bit of flour to the bowl and mix if you find it necessary. Dump the whole thing into a baking tray lined with a baking sheet. Some recipes called for more flour and modest application of rolling pin and cookie cutter prior to baking. I say to hell with all that. So long as it is sufficiently round and (somewhat) flat, bake it in the oven over temperatures of 180 for at least 35 minutes, 45 minutes max. You can bake the same in an air fryer. Same temperature and time.  

After 45 minutes and depending on the water to oats ratio, you will end up with a cookie-like crunchy exterior with slightly chewy interior. Play around with the oat to water ratio and the amount of butter for best results. You can go all fancy if you like with some grated cinnamon, raisins or nuts. It is your oatcake after all. I kept my simple. If the situation calls for it, the bare recipe calls for just oats, water and a pinch of salt and some baking. Best eaten hot for breakfast or tea. The remainder will keep for at least a week. More if frozen. Reheated remainder will go down nice dunked in milk or crumbled in a bowl of warm milk. French cookery this is not but 9 of 10 times I had this served out to my boys, they ate them all up. Clean plates all around.

Oats are food for horses, the Scots and me (and my boys). Humble food they call it. I've loved it ever since I first had it in my childhood years. Hardy crop, fairly cheap grain and like previously mentioned, easy to cook. If done badly it can taste like wet cardboard. When done right it is a comfort food that sticks to your bone. Boil it, toast it, leave in the fridge for a night with some nuts, raisins and yoghurt to soak in. Make porridge, cakes, bread, cookies out of it. Use it as filler for patties, meatballs and meat loafs, or as substitute for breadcrumbs when frying stuff and if you are trying to lose weight; a great substitute for rice. Your stomach will thank you (regularly), as will your heart and your blood pressure. On the practicalities, oats has long shelf life. 12 months to 2 years (if the package remained unopened) Perfect survival food for doomsday preppers and for quarantines alike. If I can grow a small field of it in my backyard I would have done so. Versatile stuff.

I wrote this because after that bowl of goop I felt an analogy stirring in me. Something about oats, versatility and legal practice.

Ah, never mind. I lost it.

Eat oats. Its good for you.