Stock Taking

I was doing some calculations when it unintentionally led to the calculation my years of practice. I was surprised to know that this year would be my tenth year of practice. A whole damn decade. Yet I still feel like it was not too long ago I was called to the Bar. I ought to make myself a cup of tea in celebration.

But really, was there anything to celebrate?

I still dare not associate myself with the title lawyer. I do not think that i have earned that distinction yet. I have a practicing certificate and i am a competent brawler in court. That much is true. But i am not yet a master swordsman. No rapier thrust to the heart kind of argument from me. Perhaps some jaw breaking blow would connect occasionally. But that was it. There is a long way to go before I attain the level of finesse worthy of the title Lawyer. I still feel that impostor syndrome in everything that I do. So much that whenever i see pieces about the intricacies of the Law written by people younger than me, i am amazed with their confidence in themselves and in their writing. Maybe one day I’ll pluck up the courage to actually write about the Law. For now, I am content to write about my observations about Life and some other matter and let the Impostor Syndrome to remind me of the need to leave no stone unturned and to give my very best in everything that I do in service of the Law though she be a jealous bitch.

After a decade i am now back where I once started out. Doing the same things I once did years earlier. I had my share of fun out there on the streets on my own. Learned things. Explored new areas of practice. I do not regret those days when I would wander from one friend’s office to another, helping out with their trials and whatnot. I was a mendicant practitioner, but for a good cause. Besides, it was fun, educational and most importantly I was free. Though that freedom comes with the freedom to starve if things turn south. However, from where I am right now I am learning to pepper the routine with the exciting. Balancing the need for gold and the need to enrich my soul. Always, I am eager to recapture that Thumos that I once had, not wanting to remain boxed in the four corners of my office, tethered to my desk. I am meant to be roaming about. Always on the move like the nomads of the Chang Tang Plateau.

Gold? I have no gold to show. No expensive cars to drive around. No blings, No material wealth to be throw around and to show off on social media. Accumulation of gold and fun rarely intersected. At least for me. But then again what is money but a medium of exchange. I chose to look at it as having exchanged whatever gold I may have for experiences and fun. What I lack in gold, I make up in few trusted friends. The kind of friend who would laugh the loudest and longest and yet extend a helping hand should i fall face down on a busy street for whatever reason. The kind of people whose conversation would enrich you and would range from the mundane to the esoteric, from talking smack to serious consideration of life, history and philosophy. The kind who you know you could depend on.

Responsibilities sure I have them. Heavy and big now. Sometimes it feels as if I am propping one corner of the roof in a thunderstorm with my two hands and all the while Fate is repeatedly socking me in the nether regions just for the heck of it. Yet I still stand. A tad bruised maybe in the said regions. There are moments of weakness, sure. Moments when hanging up my robe and bands for good seemed like a great idea and that stability and security seems paramount for my family. That I am but a ship trying to shelter from a storm-tossed seas in a safe harbour. But that is not what ships are built for. Security and growth are never meant to be in the same bed. I hope to have the courage and resilience to stay the course until I reach where ever it is I am meant to be, storms and shipwrecks be damned.

As for area of specialization, I have none. I hold the words of Robert A. Heinlein to be the guiding compass of mine: Specialization is for insects. I do all and sundry so long as there is a fight to be had, No matter the cause of action and subject, no matter the court or tribunal. It is the thrill of dissecting a problem for a possible solution, the rush of adrenaline you get from a trial no matter how trivial the subject matter may seem and the relief of resolution that I am after. The fees are welcome too but that is secondary. Okay, fees are important but not as important as the aforementioned rush.

What have I gained or realized after a decade in practice?

I would say the humility to admit that I need help from time to time and that no one can sail the unpredictable waters of the Law alone. That good friends like good opponents are hard to find. That the Law is as fallible and flawed as the people who made them and it is the job practitioners to point out the flaws. That while it can be hard, it is possible to remain honourable and to have integrity in a profession that is viewed sorely lacking in both. That gold while important is not the end all and be all. That i derive a certain kind of rush for trials. The kind petrolheads get from testing out a particularly sweet ride, or the kind thrill junkies get from jumping off buildings. I think lah. 

So, if there is a good fight going on, doesn’t matter in which court from the highest to the lowest, tribunals and what not and you need someone by your side or in your corner, find me.

I am always game for a good, civilized fight in court. I live for it.