A case for Oaths

 

If you are a new or fairly new legal practitioner like me the closest you will get to oaths in your practice would be when you accompany a client over to a commissioner of oaths to have an Affidavit sworn (that’ll be 10 ringgit for the affidavit and further 5 for each exhibits) or Statutory Declaration and no actual oaths uttered by the said client but the Commissioner's rubber stamp deems it so.

It is either that or when you have a witness in the witness stand with his or her right hand raised, reading from a laminated piece of paper swearing to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. Most of the time I’d use the time to double check their witness statement so that I can test whether they are telling the truth later during cross-examination or if it is my witness, whether there are additional questions to be slotted in somewhere. There always are.

In both cases whether it is before Commissioner of Oaths or swearing in on the witness stand, it is just a formality. Just something you had to do. There is no meaning or- even if there is one the meaning is long gone or only known to a few. That is oaths in practice for me so far.

Some time back, when I still had that embers of idealism burning somewhere, I spoke to my mentor about the admission oath I’ve seen in The Rain Maker. I asked, how come we don’t have the same kind of thing going on in our jurisdiction. Sure the Americans are big when it comes to their constitution. Just ask the gun-totting 2^nd Amendment zealots. In the aforesaid movie it was the part of swearing to defend the Constitution that gets me all warm and fuzzy, and thinking.

Protecting the (Federal) Constitution

The Law is our stock and trade as practitioners and setting aside the question of Syariah Laws for a while, the Federal Constitution is the highest law (man-made law if you want to go there) of the Land. However, I find it odd that us legal practitioners do not have to swear to protect it when most laws we practice be it land law, criminal law, civil or even tax law derives its validity from it. Maybe because for most of us, it is an abstract concept, not a line of thinking worth pursuing owing to its little to none effect to profit or bottom line. That alone should be a good reason for a regular reminder of the relationship of legal practitioners with the Federal Constitution.

A timeless ritual for a new age

We have seen the legal profession to be slow in adopting to changes. Emails had been part and parcel of practicing for sometime and it took COVID19 pandemic for the decisions to be handed down by way of email out of necessity. Now, it’s a convenient choice. Prior to COVID19, online hearings were unheard of, now it is a norm. As for admissions to the Bar, during the pandemic lockdown, long calls were by way of ZOOM calls with the parents or spouse doing the robing of the newly minted member. Point being, great changes have been made in the ways we practice the law. Great progress some would say. With progress comes the shedding of the old and the new things put in place. Oaths, admission oaths to be exact to my knowledge is not a practice common to our jurisdiction but it can be a new one.

Enjoining the Good, discouraging Vice

In the lands where the Anglos had set foot and had colonists shipped in by the boatloads,  the admission oaths most of the time consists of expression of loyalty to the King or Queen of England. In a quainter age, the bulk of the admission oath consists of denouncing the Pope and heirs of the Stuart line. Just look at the Canadian admissions oath but it should not be an issue here in Malaysia. Though we share the Common Law, their King is not our own. We have our tengkolok wearing, kris-kissing High King of our own. Our own way to making High Kings out of Sultans with nary a need to denounce anyone or anything.

In my correspondence with Fahri over the matter of admissions oath the issue of why cropped up and my answer is as follows:

‘’the time for the Old Breed of lawyers and old ways of practicing the Law is ending, it is time for the new.  Yet, some things are timeless. Things like values. These values must remain entrenched and restated over and over again because in this age of light speed communication, AI and smartphones we tend to forget the important things especially things we cannot put a price tag on like values. 

The oath is a reminder for the new members and the old ones that there are lines we do not cross in our pursuit of bill payments and whatnot. This oath is an attempt to restore or rather to remind us the meaning of being a legal practitioner and that money while important is not the sole reason why one should become a legal practitioner.’’

And further:

‘’The modern age have diluted the power of words. But, the right words, at the right place, at the right time can imbue us with meaning and purpose. Maybe let us call the oath, An Advocate's Oath to make it applicable each and every member of the Bar so that instead of only pupils newly admitted to the Bar, all members of the Bar would raise their right hand and take the oath at every call. Imagine Fahri, a court room full of lawyers taking the oath.  For every pupil making the solemn oath, it marks the crossing of a threshold for them and at the same time, it is akin to handing them a to-do and not to-do list albeit in a ritualized manner. For every mover or master present, it is a reaffirmation of their duties. For the layperson attending, it would be their exposure to their rights as a client when hiring a lawyer and the responsibilities their lawyers owe to them and to fellow lawyers. Hopefully, some if not all the words of the oath would take root, remain lodged in their head like the lyrics of a favourite song and could become one of the things that keep them straight and narrow.’’

The discussion on admissions oath with Fahri culminated with the drafting of the oath itself or rather, in the words of Fahri: Why don’t you draft one? So I did. What I came up with was cumbrous and monstrously archaic just like my proposed accompanying ritual which involves the Judge pounding his gavel (if he has one) thrice and declaiming aloud: Bound! Bound ye all for all time!. Cumbrous, like I said. Thanks to Fahri, the oath matures into something that is common to all lawyers regardless of seniority, and without the drama. It became the Advocate & Solicitor’s Oath. He wrote about it here.

In this cynical age where even religion and beliefs are subjected to commodification (re: billboards advertising the sale of Air yang dibacakan 30 Juzuk Al Quran some time back), a way must be found, that ‘’something’’ to uphold the common values like honesty, courage and integrity without having to resort to sermonizing to one’s own flock the same old tired sermon. A timeless ritual that transcends race, religion or age and yet shared by all practitioners. I believe the Advocate & Solicitor’s Oath to be just that. A constant reminder for practitioners, because for all the alarms and reminders we set on our smartphones we remain forgetful creatures in constant need of reminder.

Of course there is a danger that the Oath to be nothing more than lines to be parroted by all practitioners as and when necessary, like the Rukun Negara to schoolkids but us Legal Practitioners should never forget that words have power of their own. Their own magic. Especially words uttered aloud. 

They bind you.

 

 

 

 

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Going On

According to a study conducted by the American Bar Association (ABA) in 2016, 28% of attorneys experience depression, 19% experience anxiety and 23% experience chronic stress.

In a survey conducted by Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation and the ABA, 21% of attorneys qualify as problem drinkers, 28% struggle with depression and 19% struggle with anxiety.

In a 2016 survey, out of sample of 12,825 attorneys, 11.9 % reported suicidal thoughts, 2.9% reported self-injurious behaviour and 0.7% reported at least 1 prior suicide attempts.

These are all American statistics from 2016. At the time of writing, I did not find any statistics on substance abuse among Malaysian lawyers just as there are no statistics on suicides among Malaysian lawyers. All we have are newspaper reports from time to time of fellow practitioner ending their life. No statistics. None that I know of. We ought to have it. So that we can know exactly the price to pay for practicing law.

Ours is a profession of constant stress. The demands can be unrealistic at times. Lawyers deal with the problem of others, some life-threatening. Some, to their legal person, to their property. In doing so we are exposed to the darker impulses of humanity. Their most base desires brought to light. In this, the lawyers are expected to set aside their own prejudices and represent the client no matter how detestable or depraved the client or the instruction is. Innocent until proven guilty. All have fair chance for their day in court or for representation.

Alongside that we also carry the hopes and expectations of the client as well ours in hopes of fair resolution by the judiciary (or other tribunal) though from time to time those hopes are dashed, smashed.  These strain our body and mind. We are constantly looking for outlets to get the stress out of our system. Exercise can help, so does time but not all the time. 

It occurred to me that perhaps those legal fees we receive are not for the work done. The fees are compensation for the irreversible changes made to our psyche, to our outlook on life itself, to our health. Price for many scars you accumulate over the years, Weregild for one of many small deaths we suffer throughout practice for Death is the running theme in legal practice. We wear black and white most of the time. Death of sleep. Death of balanced diet. Death of our innocence. Death of sobriety. Death of hope. So, if you are going to lose parts of you, to suffer a thousand little deaths for a case, you better be damned well compensated for it.

Once while walking through the corridors of KL Court, I overheard two senior lawyers talking about a freshly called lawyer far ahead of us, prancing about in her robes, a bouquet of flowers in arms, posing all here and there. ‘’So full of enthusiasm’’ remarked Senior Lawyer 1. Senior Lawyer 2 merely grunted in affirmation. Senior Lawyer 1’s remark sounds wistful, wishful and sarcastic all at once and I don’t think the sarcasm was intended. He sounds like the faucet that once gave a clear stream of hope and enthusiasm within him had been discharging nothing but muddy resignation. His reservoir of hope all silted up. I hope to never end up like him but, I get him.

Maybe the years have slowly chipped away at his psyche, his faith in fellow Man until all that remains of a practitioner is that cynical, world-weary husk they show to the world. Those are the burdens we chose to carry for some fees. Because of that it is no surprise that some practitioners find solace in substances and perhaps privately entertained the thought of ending it all.

There are days when the pressure gets too much to bear. Those would be the days I sought company from my closest friends who also practice the law. Group therapy of sorts. My support system. It is important. Talking it out with trusted few. It keeps at bay the brooding thoughts of despair and reminds you that you are not alone in your struggle because sometimes a spouse or our parents might not get why we feel the way we feel and why we go through what we went through but a brother or sister practitioner might.

If you do not have close friends to talk to then utilize the counseling services Malaysian Bar had been providing these past few years. According to the FAQ, the first 5 sessions are free. I cannot speak of the efficacy of the service because the one time I needed to use it, all but one panel counselor on the list for my state did not answer my phone call. The one that did said she did not have free time unless it is between 7 and 8 am in the morning. Maybe it was just wrong timing for me. But all is not lost.

If the humankind is too busy for you then talk to your pet(s). It sounds kooky but I find that talking it out might not solve all the problem but it can help you deal with it better. I have no experience with dogs but I do know that the motorboat purring of a cat can do wonders to calm you down and same goes to talking to them.

If you are a believer, then pray and talk to God or any deity of your faith. Sometimes unseen problems require equally unseen assistance. Someone out there will answer it is a matter of when.

Point is, talk it out. If you do not feel like talking then write it down. Maybe it won’t solve your issues but you will feel better. Writing down the problem is the first stage of solving it.  No one has to see what you wrote down. Double or triple encode it in cipher, write it down in Sanskrit or a dead language, or burn after writing. Just get it out. It helps.

Being out and about, surrounded by nature also helps. Take a walk in the park in the evenings or in the morning (whenever possible), stare at trees and kids and old folks doing their thing at the park. That kultus matahari thing that was a thing a while back did have some grain of truth in it. Getting the morning or late evening sun as much as possible will make you feel good and wholesome. I can confirm it.

To be clear and as a disclaimer, all the above paragraphs about talking, writing it out and being out and about could not constitute a sound medical advice from me but it works for me, to some degree. Maybe it could do some good for you, maybe it won’t. The thing to bear in mind is that if overwhelming despair hits you and you do not think that you can bear it to the point that you have entertained the idea of ending it all to the point of planning it even if for a brief moment: Get help immediately. Call someone. Go to your nearest Klinik Kesihatan or clinic, tell them you need help. They will know what to do.

The practice of law is demanding. The Law after all is a jealous mistress but that should not be a good reason to forget that you are human after all, there are limits to what you can do.

 

You are not alone. You will get through this.

It is both a hope and a prayer, from a fellow practitioner.

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On Specialization

‘’A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

-A Time Enough for Love, Robert A. Heinlein-

Not too long ago I had a two weeks leave to think on things and the above quote had been one of the things that I have been ruminating on, especially the last part. Setting aside the tantalizing yet entirely theoretical question of immortality (who wants to live forever anyway?) the above quote has always been my favourite because it idealizes what a competent Man is which is what an ideal lawyer should be; an all-around competent Man. Maybe not as dramatic as the above quote, a competent lawyer is not expected to pitch actual manure. The manure in the legal profession thankfully, is metaphorical in nature.

The question of specialization in my legal practice has always been something that came up once every while for me. These days, I am seriously considering its pros and cons.

I came from a banking law background. I did my pupillage at a law firm where bulk of its files are debt recovery work for banks and the first role I had post-Call was as a debt recovery lawyer. Since I was the new guy, it was only natural that most of the shit files would funnel down to me. The almost time barred, the ones with two judgments entered for the same debt, the half-forgotten cruddy mess that had been gathering dust in a corner that nobody wants to touch. Such was my fortune back then and Good Fortune it was. It could be the reason why when a refreshing General file came my way I grabbed it with both hands and legs.

When started my own practice, the Auditor whom I was recommended to for audit purposes in between browsing through my firm’s books attempted to engage me in small talk. He said something along the lines of the need to specialize after 5 years. 'Setiap tahun ada firm baru bukak, semua buat benda sama. Apa beza firm kau dengan firm lain? Sebab tu kau kena specialize'' he said leaning back in his seat looking very wise. He was a seasoned auditor, doing audits for legal practitioners far older than me so he knows what he was on about. I gave it serious consideration about it at that time. For about 5 full minutes at least, before dismissing it as another worry for the far-off future. At that point of time I just wanted to get my accounts straight for my practicing certificate so that I can continue having fun doing what ever comes my way. To hell with specialization.

Then came the future. I was back doing debt recovery and its related non-legal work such as client entertainment and what have you. Time helped me in developing the confidence and thick skin to power through the messiest of files. Then 4 years in, I began to realize or rather, remember the reason why I did not pursue bulk debt recovery files even when my then small practice then had most of the boxes ticked. Sure it is the economic choice of most if not all firms since it pays the bills. Steady stream of income and all that but I could not help but feel there is something missing from it all.

I need the rush. I need the thrill of a fight that only a general file can give me. Making a living and making you feel alive are two different things. But an interesting and well-paying general file does not come my way often. It is not everyday that a spectacular mess comes into being and awaiting its day in court. To be dependent on general files alone is a big risk and not commercially viable, unless it’s the kind of file that can keep the lights on and your family fed for months on end. So, I ventured out into areas like Industrial Court matters, construction and such. Just to look for that new kind of kick and the moolahs. I get it from time to time but I still have no niche area of my own. I am for now, a generalist. I am Jack.

The way I see it, general practice, is akin to having the competency in the use of one’s fist in a fight. A pugilist. Maybe the moves varies but all you must rely on are your fists. All you have to do is clench them. Gloves are optional.  

What I know is that general practice is about being thoroughly competent that so long as its about fighting in courts and tribunals, you know what to do for you have the rules and tactics already in your head no matter how outlandish the subject matter of the dispute is. It is all muscle memory to you. You know what to do when a nasty left hook comes your way.

Specialized practitioners on the other hand are your cold and hot weapon experts, your Arquebusiers and Zweihanders. Within their area of competence they are deadly. They are the subject matter expert, masters of their art and they command the big bucks (or so I was told). By virtue of their specialization they are well sought after whereas pugilists are a dime a dozen. But their specialization is both their greatest strength and also their greatest limitation. Asking a master bowman to participate in a bare knuckle bout is like asking a veteran lawyer had done nothing but conveyancing matters to handle a full trial (why is it called full trial any way? Is there such a thing like half trial? Quarter trial?)  

Is there a way to have it both ways? Dual wield so to speak? Or to hit the sweet spot between competency and expertise? The area where general practice and specialized practice overlaps and some measure of financial stability is possible. Can it be done?

Maybe. Perhaps.

I don’t know. That is why I am writing this. I have not found the answer. Maybe I am too greedy in wanting to do everything that dispute related. Perhaps I need to talk to more old timers in the legal profession. See how they do it back in the day. The thing about people in general is that we don’t really change. Times and trends changes but we don’t. There will always be complaints over goods sold and delivered, families will always be have arguments sometimes, to the detriment of all (Re: First World War). There will always be disputes. There will always be legal problems. Some of them will go to court, some don’t. Either way, there will always be lawyers to be the peacemaker or as sower of discord. Because whether we like it or not, legal practice is a business. Has always been. With some strict ethical standards that some might choose to ignore but a business nonetheless. To sustain a business some measure of marketing is needed. Many ways to market a legal firm but the best way to do it is to do damn good job. Doing a good job speaks for itself. Never underestimate the power of word of mouth. Do a good job, people will talk. Do a half baked job, people will talk.

Specialization is another way to go about marketing your legal firm. Name an area of law and chances are there will be a household name in that area of practice. Easier to recall so and so firm that only specializes in beating off lawsuits from Tenaga Nasional Berhad or a so and so legal firm specializing in construction disputes than an all-rounder firm doing all sorts of things. In fact, a legal firm can list their specialization at the Malaysian Bar website to capitalize on their specialization. That would come in handy if your target market consists of laymen with legal problems. You would want to corner a market but in doing so, you are boxing yourself in. I speak of course of small to sole-proprietorship firms. This does not apply to Big Firms. Big Firms are like the Tesco of the legal practice. They cover most if not all practice areas with their teams of experts and they are everywhere. They have the resources to back them up and churn out paperwork like factories. They are as impersonal as the corporate clients they serve. They are not relevant to the discussion.  

I am talking about flesh and blood clients, real people, subjected to all the range of human emotions and fallacies including the tendency to have their preferences swayed by what was reported in the media and prevailing trends.

If your target market are fellow lawyers, then the approach ought to be different. A lawyer is expected to find files, work the files and ensure that you are paid on time for the work done. The finding of files part is strictly regulated by the Rules and are still largely a mystery to me. The remaining two are the two areas that a lawyer can find a gap to fill in. Working on a file, a litigation file requires someone to research the matter and draft the cause papers, someone to attend court hearings and/or trial, some one to attend to the client’s queries and generally handhold them through the whole process.

In small to sole-proprietorship firms, all these are attended by one lawyer. Most of a lawyer’s work are done in the background, away from the eyes of the client. This is where the support staffs come in for mid-sized to big law firms, the role might be invisible though important. For small to sole practitioner especially one just starting out, it’s a luxury. But, that is not to say that you cannot outsource the work piecemeal. Runners for document deliveries, MOB lawyers for court attendances, counsel work or just plain second chairing and so on. I have even come across a firm in the US doing nothing but churn out cause papers and doing legal research for fellow lawyers, which I think is useful. These are the kind of gaps that fellow lawyers can fill in or specialize in for small to sole-proprietorships practices.  

As to ensuring that lawyers are paid on time for the work done, that is a common problem and I have yet to hear of a common solution nor have I come up with a solution without having a law suit initiated to recover what was owed. Straight forward enough if it is individual client, impossible with a panel client. Perhaps a mechanism can be drafted where a lawyer's legal fees are guaranteed by a 3rd Party the way housing loans and business loans are guaranteed by SJPP and SJKP but what kind of a role a lawyer can play in this arrangement, none came to mind as of now.

Let us say that I am to specialize, in which area do I jump into? Industrial Court matters? Construction Law? Tortious matters? Commercial litigation? I am having too much fun doing all of it and with every case in these areas that I do the more I learn and the more I realized I needed to know. The more I realized this the more excited I become despite the fact that my practicing time is finite and knowing that I might end up as a Jack of all trades at the end of it.

But what is wrong with jacking it off anyway? I resent being boxed in. Being classified into a specific group. I have a growing number of (legal) fetishes, and my joy for them knows no bounds (ok, very wide boundaries).

Except it is not commercially viable they say. Just as cure-alls are derided as hoaxes, extremely wide practice areas inspire no confidence (they say). Impossible to cure it all just as it impossible to practice in a lot of areas without sacrificing your mastery over them. Is it now? Is that a statement of fact or a self-limiting belief passed down from one generation to another? If there can be polymaths a plenty in the age of quills and expensive papers then surely in this paperless, AI-driven, ZOOM-equipped age more than that is possible. It has to be.

It was said that civilization began when specialization or rather, division of labour became widespread. I say be damned to civilization! I don’t want to be a grass-combing peasant beholden to a Lord or Lady. I want to be that bon sauvage sucking on the fatty marrow of Life. I want to be that barbarian joyously battering down the gates of Knowledge and new areas of legal practice. If I can carry off both wisdom and plunder into the sunset then all the better for me.

I think that is enough rumination over specialization.

For now.  

 

 

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Most-tradamus, most of the time.

Menurut laman web SciJinks yang dikelolakan oleh National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the Yankee equivalent of our Met Department, Ramalan cuaca bagi tujuh hari mempunyai 80 peratus ketepatan. Ramalan cuaca bagi 5 hari pula mempunyai ketepatan sebanyak 90 peratus. Ramalan cuaca untuk 10 hari dan selebihnya selalunya betul. Tak ada peratus diberikan. Jadi aku pemahaman aku adalah, ramalan cuaca untuk 10 hari atau lebih dalam bahasa kasarnya; entahkan ya, entahkan tidak.

Ini menunjukkan dengan segala teknologi yang ada pun kita masih belum dapat meramal masa depan dengan tepat. Apa tah lagi cuaca. Eh, terbalik. Tak mampu meramal cuaca dengan tepat, apatah lagi meramal masa depan. (Looking at you, Monsewer Nostradamus)

Michel de Nostradame atau lebih dikenali sebagai Nostradamus adalah seorang physician, astrologer, apotek dan oracle (kata orang). Beliau dikenali kerana ramalan-ramalan masa depan berbentuk quartrain yang dibuat dalam karyanya Les Prophéties yang diterbitkan pada tahun 1555.

Kali terakhir ramalan si Nostradamus ni jadi sensasi adalah pada tahun 2001 bila tumbangnya WTC di New York pada 11 September 2001 dek serangan pengganas (katanya). Aku ingat sebab ada pakcik aku semangat usung buku The Prophecies datang ke rumah nenek aku untuk ditunjuk pada sanak-saudara yang kononnya peristiwa itu dah diramal.

Menurut Wikipedia, sumber rujukan awam yang sesiapa boleh edit, Quartrain pertama yang dikaitkan dengan peristiwa tersebut adalah quatrain VI.97:

 

Cinq & quarante degrés ciel bruslera,

Feu approucher de la grand cité neufve,

Instant grand flamme esparse saultera,

Quant on voudra des Normans faire preuve :

 

Atau dalam Bahasa Inggerisnya:

Five and forty degrees, the sky shall burn:

To the great new city shall the fire draw nigh.

With vehemence the flames shall spread and churn

When with the Normans they conclusions try.

 

Penerangan yang diberikan adalah seperti berikut:

"Five and forty degrees" was said to be the latitude of New York City (New York's latitude is 40°47'), and was interpreted as "40.5 degrees" (even though the decimal point had not yet come into use in the Europe of Nostradamus' day). "New City", similarly, was claimed to be New York (even though Nostradamus refers in this way to various "New Cities" whose names, unlike "New York", literally mean "New City", and especially Naples – from Greek Neapolis, "new city"); and most of the attempts to fit in the "Normans" of line 4 seemed contrived at best. While it is true that New York State, which has the same name as New York City, crosses 45° latitude, it cannot, of course, be described as a "new city", and so doesn't fit line 2 of the verse.[9]

 

Bagi aku baris terakhir quartrain tersebut ada sedikit mistranslation. Baris tersebut sepatutnya berbunyi:

When with the Normans they conclusions fry.

Ini merujuk kepada kepada perbalahan kecil di antara Amerika Syarikat dengan Perancis berkenaan Perang Iraq 2003 dimana Perancis enggan menyertai pakatan yang ingin menyerang Iraq. Pasca 9/11 timbul ura-ura yang tak pernah disahkan kononnya Iraq menyembunyikan pengganas Al-Qaeda yang bertanggungjawab kepada serangan 9/11 itu. Jadi bila Perancis mengatakan Merde! (pardon my French) pada dakwaan itu dan ajakan Amerika Syarikat untuk menyerang Iraq, keluar didalam akhbar yang ada kedai di Amerika Syarikat yang menjenamakan semula French Fries kepada Freedom Fries. Bila barisan terakhir itu diubah seperti aku tulis di atas, barulah boleh dikatakan quartrain itu tadi merujuk kepada peristiwa 9/11 itu.

Iya, ini adalah lawak bodoh dari aku.

 

Anyway..

 

Quartrain kedua berkenaan 9/11 adalah quatrain I.87 seperti berikut:

 

Ennosigée feu du centre de terre

Fera trembler au tour de cité neufve:

Deux grands rochiers long temps feront la guerre

Puis Arethusa rougira nouveau fleuve.

 

Atau dalam Bahasa Inggerisnya:

Earth-shaking fires from the world’s centre roar:

Around "New City" is the earth a-quiver.

Two nobles long shall wage a fruitless war,

The nymph of springs pour forth a new, red river.

 

Dan penerangan yang diberikan sekali lagi dari ihsan Wikipedia adalah:

‘’Here, once again, the cité neufve was claimed to be New York; au tour de had to refer to the Twin Towers (even though, in French, the word tour in the masculine – as it is here – has absolutely nothing to do with towers, but is part of a phrase meaning "around"); the Deux grands rochiers had to be the Twin Towers themselves; and Arethusa was said to be an anagram of "the USA". Once again, however, a rather more sober investigation by Brind'Amour[11] had already revealed (bearing in mind that, in French, faire la guerre aux rochers, or "to make war on the rocks", simply means "to struggle fruitlessly") that the reference was probably to Naples and its nearby volcano. Subsequent investigation by Lemesurier[3] and his colleague Gary Somai[12] suggested that it applied particularly to the Annales Cassini's report of its lava eruption of 1036, at a time when the Lombards of Capua and the Byzantine dukes of Naples were constantly at war over the city prior to the decisive intervention of the Normans. For 968, similarly, Leo Marsicanus had reported in the same annals that "Mount Vesuvius exploded into flames and sent out huge quantities of sticky, sulfurous matter that formed a river rushing down to the sea". Thus, given that Arethusa was the classical nymph of springs and rivers, with a well-known "spring of Arethusa" still visible today in the Sicilian port of Syracuse, the case for a "9/11" interpretation was evidently unfounded.’’

Yang ini aku tak ada komen melainkan, ada-ada je lah kau ni Nostradamus..

Kesimpulannya, ramalan-ramalan ini semua selalunya takkan menggunakan ayat dan bahasa yang terang dan mudah dihadap (case in point: Ramalan Oracle of Delphi pada Zeno). Nak kena ada berbunga-bunga, samar tapi tak samar sangat supaya yang percaya boleh buat interpretasi sendiri dan supaya yang skeptik dengan sekali pandang boleh kata: c'est de la merde!

 

Semalam aku kalah satu rayuan di Mahkamah Rayuan. Not welcomed but one of the probable outcome. Sudah tentu ada pasang harapan untuk menang tapi tak banyak. Mungkin sekitar 10 peratus pasal tak mahu kecewa sangat kalau kalah. Jadi bila YA Nantha Balan mengumumkan keputusan panel untuk menolak rayuan kami, aku tak terkejut pun dan anak guam pun tak terkejut pasal aku tak janji bulan dan bintang pada mereka walaupun itu hasilnya selepas tunggu 6 tahun. Walaupun aku rasa kami ada kes yang ampuh aku cuma janji apa yang aku tau. To give a damn good fight, and I did.

Ada satu pagi itu sekitar seminggu sebelum tarikh rayuan tadi itu, aku dalam perjalanan ke Mahkamah Shah Alam untuk satu pendengaran. Aku memandu dalam keadaan diantara mengantuk dan sedar seperti biasanya. Bezanya pada pagi itu entah macam mana kepala boleh terfikir tentang kenapa perkaitan undang-undang bertulis dan keinginan kita untuk meramal masa depan. Kita semua mahukan kestabilan. Kita semua mahu merancang. Oleh kerana itu kita semampu boleh ingin meramal masa depan. Bila boleh diramal, boleh dirancang, bila boleh dirancang, kebiasaannya akan ada kestabilan.

Setakat ini belum ada lagi hakim A.I. atau separa mesin. Masih semua manusia. Manusia ni pula rambut sama blonde/brunette/etc (kalau ada rambut lagi lah), tapi hati dan pemikiran lain-lain. Tak sama. Tak berapa nak predictable. All those big ideas about equality, fairness is one thing about the Law. My sleep addled brain on that morning drive to Shah Alam concluded that the main reason for the existence of the Law is to provide some measure of predictability in an unpredictable existence. Old news. I know. It took me this long to appreciate stare decisis and the Law beyond what was thought in law school. What can I say, I have a slow digestive system.

Sometimes things will go off the rails of predictability as provided by the laws as written and they will because that is just life.  Order 92 Rule 4 of Rules of Court 2012, Rule 105 of the Rules of Court of Appeal 1994, Rule 137 of the Rules of the Federal Court 1995 membenarkan Hakim-hakim untuk membuat keputusan diluar peruntukkan Mahkamah masing-masing dengan syarat ianya untuk menghalang daripada berlakunya ketidakadilan dan/atau penyalahgunaan proses Mahkamah kerana bila adanya sistem kehakiman yang kukuh, keadilan itu adalah hasil yang dijangkakan.

Semalam selepas selesai menerangkan pada anak guam apa yang boleh dibuat seterusnya dengan kes mereka (mereka tak marah kalah pasal nampak aku bersungguh berhujah demi kes mereka) aku ke gerai nasik lemak di luar Istana Kehakiman, menghadap Boulevard (tengah hari itu menjadi boulevard of broken dreams bagi aku). Kawan aku yang menjadi second chair berapi-api marah dengan keputusan dan juga dengan benda lain yang ada kaitan dengan rayuan. Aku yang dah hampir 2 minggu tak jadi orang cuma mampu gelak kecil dan senyum keletihan sambil suap nasik. Nak cakap apa lagi,

 

C’est la vie.

 

 

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Ayam dengan Itik bercakap.

 

Most of the time, I get my points across be it in writing or verbally or by way of gestures. People understood me, to certain extent. But there are times when I feel strongly about something, words, writing or gestures just fail to convey how I feel and why feel such feelings. I feel the choking limitations of human language. When that happens, I think to myself perhaps that is how those with speech impediments or those with hearing problems feel when they try to communicate without the benefit of sign language. We are just left either shouting to make ourselves understood or forcefully gesticulating to each other trying to communicate. All to no effect. The meeting of minds are just not there. The satellites are just not broadcasting, the antennas are  not picking up the signal. 

Examples:

Trying to make our point to a person who has his or her mind made up. Shutters down and windows closed. What now?

Trying to get that client to settle their outstanding legal fees for work done.

Trying to reason with a mind clouded, nay, chock full of emotions.

It is frustrating. Infuriating.

Best we can do is cool down and to try and try again until the message gets across 

or just walk away and do something more productive with our life.

 

 

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The Abominable/ Assistive/ All-Powerful? Intelligence

2 minggu lepas waktu sesi sembang santai bagi bulan Ogos ada rakan mentor aku yang turut sama sertai. Sebelum beliau sampai lagi topik perbualan memang menjurus kepada AI generated art, sustainability dan ethics menggunapakai AI Art, program yang boleh mengenal dan membezakan AI generated art dan yang dihasilkan oleh manusia. Sesampai rakan Mentor aku itu, dia diperkenalkan sebagai peguam masa hadapan. Cekap coding, selesa berenang dalam jargon dan ide-ide tekno sepertimana selesa dengan ide-ide dan konsep perundangan. The future litigator yang boleh dual wield. Ini  jelas bila penerangan yang diberikan mengenai beza Generative AI (macam ChatGPT) dengan Large Language Model (LLM) sampai kepada yang mendengar.

Beliau menggunapakai teknologi terkini termasuklah LLM untuk membantu tugas-tugasnya sebagai seorang peguam litigator. Aku dengar pun terlopong, inikan pulak nak terangkan balik dengan segala butiran. Sebelum ini aku ada terbaca pasal bagaimana dia ada menulis kod untuk program yang boleh membuat Rekod Rayuan tinggal siap untuk dicetak dan di bind. Jadi bila dengar berdepan tuan punya badan bercerita pasal teknologi, AI, LLM dan amalan guaman itu pun membuatkan aku rasa macam caveman baru terfikir nak laga batu untuk mulakan unggun api tapi bila toleh sebelah jiran gua sebelah selamba tengah nyala rokok guna pemetik api.

Anyway,

Kata The Future Litigator, tahun 2027 adalah tahun penting bagi perkembangan teknologi. Aku tak ingat seratus peratus apa yang dikatakan sebab aku tak sempat tulis. Gistnya yang aku ingat adalah, kalau kita rasakan segala kandungan video, teks, gambar dan lain-lain yang dihasilkan oleh generative AI setakat ini menakutkan, tunggu tahun 2027 bila generative AI ini dikatakan akan betul-betul habis belajar. Jadi, masih ada masa untuk kau membuat persediaan. Sama ada nak korek bunker depan laman rumah, simpan stok kertas tandas berkotak-kotak, atau belajar macam mana nak hidup dalam dunia yang mungkin akan menuju ke arah Skynet. Ialah, China dah guna facial recognition system dah lama dah nak mengawal pergerakkan rakyatnya, sekarang kutip gaya berjalan pula sebagai cara untuk mengenal pasti individu (Aku terfikir kalau yang pakai wheelchair pulak macam mana kira?). Next war will be an AI War kata si Future Lawyer tenang. Aku duduk dah tak keruan. What manner of a world my children will be living in? Takut pun ya, excited pun ya juga bila teringat pasal Mike dan Mannie dalam The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Takut pasal teringat pada tengkorak Terminator terseringai dan bermata merah.

Pengetahuan, adalah antidot kepada perasaan takut kerana kita takut apa yang kita tak faham. Jadi, adalah harus untuk kita mendalami apakejadahnya AI dan suku sakatnya ini dan bagaimana ianya akan mengubah landskap amalan guaman ini walaupun nampak macam satu perkara yang hampir mustahil. Amat mudah untuk terus berputus asa dan balik kampung dan bercucuk tanam. Itupun kalau kampung kau masih diluar bandar. Jadi untuk golongan seperti aku yang memang orang bandar yang masih nak mengamal undang-undang selama boleh, memang perlu belajar mengenai AI ini dan lebih spesifik lagi, pasal LLM. Menurut Future Lawyer, peguam sepatutnya tak ada masalah untuk berurusan, melatih dan menggunapakai LLM ini memandangkan tugas hakiki kita memang menggunapakai bahasa tak kira Bahasa Melayu atau Bahasa Inggeris. Aku kagum bila dengar beliau terangkan yang LLM dilatih beliau sampai tahap boleh berbalas-balas hujahan perundangan dengan tuan punya badan sendiri. Kagum dan spooky as hell.

Aku tak ada gambaran khusus, cuma ada teori am yang mengatakan bahawa tugas peguam dan sistem keadilan akan makin jadi semakin mencabar. Next war will be an AI War and the first casualty of all wars, the truth. Audio clip yang memang mirip suara si polan tengah mengaku perbuatan yang tak pernah berlaku, video si entah sesapa yang dikenali ramai kononnya tengah beromen on High Definition padahal tak pernah berlaku (iye ke?) atau video instafemes menjual produk itu ini yang membuatkan kita terfikir wah ini mamat pun sudah diversify business beliau, gambar-gambar hyperrealistic yang berpotensi untuk menjahanamkan reputasi dan kredibiliti seseorang tapi tak pernah ditangkap oleh mana-mana kamera, dokumen yang nampak asli seratus peratus tapi tak pernah dikeluarkan atau ditandatangan oleh sesiapa. Siapa yang nak tentukan asli atau tak? Pakar? Malam yang sama aku jugak diberitahu kandungan yang dihasilkan oleh AI dah makin gila dan makin hyperrealistic sampai kadang-kadang hanya satu program yang turut mengguna teknologi AI yang yang boleh mengenalpasti sama ada sesuatu karya itu dihasilkan oleh AI. Gila. Itu baru karya. Belum lagi benda-benda lain. Kalau ketulenan sesuatu itu hanya sesebuah program yang boleh tentukan, macammana pulak nak guna bawah Aturan 40A Kaedah-Kaedah Mahkamah 2012? Macam mana program nak affirm Afidavit? Adakah program tersebut pula akan dianggap sebagai seseorang individu sebelum diangkat sebagai seorang saksi pakar dibawah Seksyen 45 Akta Keterangan 1950?

Ok, mungkin aku terlalu jauh.

Satu benda yang encouraging (bagi aku lah) AI ke LLM ke, mereka tak ada kreativiti, tak ada emosi sebagaimana manusia biasa dan aku harap pasca 2027 masih tetap sama. Menurut Future Lawyer, apa yang AI dan LLM boleh hasilkan cuma derivative, campuraduk segala data yang disumbat masuk. AI mungkin boleh terangkan bagaimana proses kelahiran seorang bayi itu, mungkin boleh generate video atau boleh simulatekan tindakbalas saraf yang berlaku melalui peranti tapi ianya takkan boleh capture atau simulatekan perasaan seorang bapa bila tengok bayi itu lahir.

AI mungkin boleh terangkan apa yang ditulis atau direkodkan dalam video atau lagu tentang cinta, tapi ianya takkan boleh capture atau simulate apa perasaan cinta itu sendiri. Ia takkan mampu menggambarkan perasaan pertama kali berpegangan tangan dengan kekasih kau. Ia takkan mampu menulis lirik lagu rock kapak pasal cinta tak direstui orang tua atau ekspresi cinta yang lahir dari hati yang jiwang karat. Ia takkan mampu untuk menulis bait-bait puisi cinta yang sappy as heck.

.

.

.

Ok, aku tak berapa tepat. Apparently they can pasal aku baru mintak ChatGPT tulis lirik lagu rock kapak. Passable, tapi bila diamati ada kekakuan. Tak ada life. Kaku.

Mungkin sebab AI dan mesin-mesin ini tak bernyawa dan dia cuma dapat imitate lirik-lirik lagu sedia ada. Dia takkan dapat mengabadikan rasa cinta tak berbalas macam arwah Bob Lokman buat dalam Taman Rasyidah Utama pasal iyalah, dia mesin. Mana pulak nak kena friendzone nye pulak. AI ke Mesin ke tak mampu (aku harap kekal sebegitu) untuk rasa apa yang kita rasa atau lihat sesuatu sepertimana kita lihat (baca: kreatif).

Pengakhirannya AI ke Skynet ke, semuanya buatan Manusia. Tak sempurna sebab kita pun tak sempurna. Mungkin aku angkuh, mungkin aku cakap untuk sedapkan hati tapi aku percaya tak ada yang boleh menggantikan umat manusia yang boleh mencipta dan mengguna kenderaan yang rumit seperti kereta tapi pada masa yang sama masih gagal untuk faham prinsip mudah seperti guna lampu isyarat bila menukar laluan memandu. Capable of great things and great folly. Itu spesis kita.

Kesempurnaan. Itu yang kita kejar dalam setiap usaha kita. Itu yang kita cari dalam setiap benda yang kita temui atau cipta, tapi takkan terjumpa. Takkan. Future Lawyer pada malam itu juga ada mengatakan tentang premis menggunapakai AI untuk menghasilkan keputusan Mahkamah yang sempurna adalah bullshit. To make mistake(s) is to be human. Kalau tak ada error untuk dirayu, di review apa guna ada undang-undang ada lawyer, ada hakim.

Kita sebagai manusia terlalu mudah untuk mengagung-agungkan seseorang atau sesuatu ide itu termasuklah teknologi dan lebih spesifik lagi teknologi AI. Tak mustahil satu hari nanti terbawa-bawa sampai ke tahap penyembahan sebab kita tercari-cari kesempurnaan dalam semua benda itu dan kononnya teknologi AI ini pinnacle kesempurnaan sedangkan kita lupa bahawa perfection is not of this world but for the next one. Speaking of which, aku rasa molek kalau diakhiri taipan aku ini dengan rujukan kepada cerita pendek berjudul The Last Question oleh Isaac Asimov. Aku terjumpa The Last Question ni bila aku sibuk mengGoogle pasal AI. Seronok baca pasal dia ada titik pertembungan antara teknologi, lagi spesifiknya diantara AI penciptaan alam semesta dalam biblical sense dan melainkan aku salah, titik permulaan kepada Clarke’s 3^rd Law.

 

‘Matter and energy had ended and with it space and time. Even AC existed only for the sake of the one last question that it had never answered from the time a half-drunken computer [technician] ten trillion years before had asked the question of a computer that was to AC far less than was a man to Man.  All other questions had been answered, and until this last question was answered also, AC might not release his consciousness.  All collected data had come to a final end. Nothing was left to be collected.  But all collected data had yet to be completely correlated and put together in all possible relationships.  A timeless interval was spent in doing that.  And it came to pass that AC learned how to reverse the direction of entropy.  But there was now no man to whom AC might give the answer of the last question. No matter. The answer -- by demonstration -- would take care of that, too.  For another timeless interval, AC thought how best to do this. Carefully, AC organized the program.  The consciousness of AC encompassed all of what had once been a Universe and brooded over what was now Chaos. Step by step, it must be done.  And AC said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"  And there was light –‘’

 

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Let them eat (Oat)cakes!

Where I was a few days ago they botch a bowl of oatmeal porridge like nobody’s business. What they serve out would be something that falls into oat glue category rather than oatmeal porridge and I don’t even know how they managed that. It is hard to ruin a good bowl of oatmeal porridge considering making one is easy. You don’t need fancy cooking skills. Just some oats (steel cut, rolled, who cares), water or milk in a pot, medium heat, a bit of time till it bubbles and there you are. Or if you have a microwave oven, 2-3 minutes will do the trick for a bowl of oatmeal porridge. Add a knob of butter or brown sugar or anything else that strikes your fancy. Maybe some Sambal Goreng Kak Nor for that extra crunch and spiciness. Maybe a hearty dollop of Tempoyak if you are feeling reckless. Hey, it’s your oatmeal. I don’t judge.

If you don’t feel up to a bowl of oatmeal porridge try this what I erroneously call, oatcakes.

In a big bowl, mix in a cup and a half of oats (does not matter whether it is instant, quick cook or what have you) with a dash of baking soda, some brown sugar (not too much). Then take the same cup and fill it half with hot water (less if you like your oatcakes to be of harder consistency). If you are lazy like me to wait for the butter to soften, just add some to a less than half cup of hot water and stir whilst looking out the kitchen window. Dump the hot water/butter mixture into the bowl and mix. Add more butter if you want to. You will end up with a sticky mound of oat. Add a bit of flour to the bowl and mix if you find it necessary. Dump the whole thing into a baking tray lined with a baking sheet. Some recipes called for more flour and modest application of rolling pin and cookie cutter prior to baking. I say to hell with all that. So long as it is sufficiently round and (somewhat) flat, bake it in the oven over temperatures of 180 for at least 35 minutes, 45 minutes max. You can bake the same in an air fryer. Same temperature and time.  

After 45 minutes and depending on the water to oats ratio, you will end up with a cookie-like crunchy exterior with slightly chewy interior. Play around with the oat to water ratio and the amount of butter for best results. You can go all fancy if you like with some grated cinnamon, raisins or nuts. It is your oatcake after all. I kept my simple. If the situation calls for it, the bare recipe calls for just oats, water and a pinch of salt and some baking. Best eaten hot for breakfast or tea. The remainder will keep for at least a week. More if frozen. Reheated remainder will go down nice dunked in milk or crumbled in a bowl of warm milk. French cookery this is not but 9 of 10 times I had this served out to my boys, they ate them all up. Clean plates all around.

Oats are food for horses, the Scots and me (and my boys). Humble food they call it. I've loved it ever since I first had it in my childhood years. Hardy crop, fairly cheap grain and like previously mentioned, easy to cook. If done badly it can taste like wet cardboard. When done right it is a comfort food that sticks to your bone. Boil it, toast it, leave in the fridge for a night with some nuts, raisins and yoghurt to soak in. Make porridge, cakes, bread, cookies out of it. Use it as filler for patties, meatballs and meat loafs, or as substitute for breadcrumbs when frying stuff and if you are trying to lose weight; a great substitute for rice. Your stomach will thank you (regularly), as will your heart and your blood pressure. On the practicalities, oats has long shelf life. 12 months to 2 years (if the package remained unopened) Perfect survival food for doomsday preppers and for quarantines alike. If I can grow a small field of it in my backyard I would have done so. Versatile stuff.

I wrote this because after that bowl of goop I felt an analogy stirring in me. Something about oats, versatility and legal practice.

Ah, never mind. I lost it.

Eat oats. Its good for you.

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Sonata For Good Men

There are simply days that I loath to be alone with my own thoughts where the dread and anxieties of tomorrow are all too overpowering that it saps away my focus to work. It would make my heart race and set my feet tapping impatiently. Those would be the days that I would leave the office early after doing all that I can at work before seeking company amongst my practitioner close friends. The vet small timers, the newbies, the yet-to get-there. They get me. We fight the same battles. The difference is in setting and scale. They feel the same allure of stability that is expected of them and yet they have the same love for independence that made them start on own, that punk-ish urge to do it themselves and give the finger to norms and expectations. They feel and battle through the feeling of anxiety, depression or downright being burnt out all the time, they have the same concerns about providing for their family and most importantly they know the need to make a difference in an indifferent world by what we do. We struggle to make sense of our place in this world. In a way we are jihadists, sans the AKs and balaclavas and suicide vests. We all struggle to live.

I would like to think that I emerged from the COVID Pandemic and the Lockdowns unscathed but the reality is I emerged from the lockdown to crave the reassurance that only human company can provide. These chaps would be it. They get it. Over chai, tea or other beverages and copious amounts of nicotine in many forms, we’d talk shit, whine about clients, judges, cases, come up with schemes (sometimes wacky) to make money by way of legal practice, exchange legal opinion or two over some case or other, sought and give advice and in between all those, talk about Life itself. I would not demean these sessions to call them as lepak-ing.  They are not. In fact these sessions are beyond it. Lepak-ing in my dictionary would mean a stretch of time spent on doing nothing worthwhile. These sessions are not it. These sessions are worth it. Despite the meandering conversations and dick jokes not once have I ever emerged at the end of it unenlightened over some matter or other. As the parlance goes; sentiasa ada pengisian. Both figuratively and physiologically as my chest would hurt from the smoking after such hours long session and sometimes my cheeks would hurt from all the grin and laughter but my head would be clear, my heart no longer raced. I would be at peace. In a way it is therapy but with naan or meggi goreng. All thanks to these close friends.

In the words of my guru, sometimes I pick them up, sometimes they pick me up. These handful of men. Good men. For sure they have their own flaws, as do I. Who doesn’t?  That does not negate their kindness, their willingness to help, their good conscience. And it is the flaws that made them approachable and identifiable to me at first. I wanted to be amongst fellow Men, not mythical beings. To be a man is to have flaws. ‘’You love despite the faults’’, William Faulkner once wrote or said, I can’t be sure which, and I love these handful of good men to bits. They are my brothers from my other mother and wish them all the best in the world.

May they land that whale of a client, may they find success in everything that they do,

May they have peace and contemplation in their household,

May they have stillness in their hearts and may God grant them their earnest wishes.

May we live a long and fruitful life so that I can taunt them for being a bunch of old geezers for I will be forever young (in my head).

May they remain good men. 

 

   

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Do you feel lucky Punk?

Bila cerita tentang punk imej pertama yang selalunya akan terbit adalah gaya rambut mohawk atau berceracak tegak dan denim rabak dan busuk dengan patches, dumpster diving. Aku tak mahu bercakap tentang pemakaian atau ideologi yang dipegang oleh golongan Punk ini ataupun musik Punk itu sendiri. Itu boleh di Google.

 

Tak kira apa tanggapan kau tentang golongan Punk, satu sisi yang aku kira perlu diambil contoh adalah semangat DIY atau Do-It-Yourself yang diamalkan mereka ini. Dari rekod dan terbitkan album sendiri tanpa terikat dengan mana-mana label besar, buat zine sendiri guna kertas A4 lipat dua, buat button sendiri dan segala maknenek lagi. Pendek kata selagi boleh buat sendiri mereka memang akan buat sendiri, semuanya demi memberi jari tengah pada Lelaki itu, iaitu personafikasi otoriti, kerajaan, bos.

 

Iyalah, zaman sekarang ini zaman mudah. Semua benda boleh dibeli asal ada wang. Cuma bila semua terjual akan ada minda-minda licik yang akan cuba mengambil kesempatan untuk membuat keuntungan lagi selepas jualan dibuat (looking at you HP) terutamanya dengan servis selepas jualan dan barang ganti. Rosak? Kami boleh baiki. Atau, buat apa baiki, beli sahaja model kami paling baru. That kind of thing. Semuanya bertitik tolak pada anggapan: Pelanggan menjalani kehidupan yang sibuk. Buat apa pening kepala, serahkan pada kami. Cuma bayar lebih sikit. Consumerism at its best.

 

Jadi bila aku yang dah lama tak buat binding bundle sendiri tiba-tiba sibuk grek-grek-grek di sudut ofis, datang kakak staff dengan muka concerned.

-Encik Amir buat apa ni?

-Buat binding kak

-Kenapa tak bagi kami je buat? 

-Sebab saya punk jawab aku angkuh, dalam hati.

 

Jauh dibelakang minda aku, ada benda yang patut aku ingat pasal binding tapi tak terlintas. Ah, lantaklah. Bila dah lama sangat tenung skrin, buat benda dengan dua tangan sendiri selain daripada menaip pun jadi syok.

 

Aku tak ingat dekat mana aku dengar atau baca tentang kenapa terdapat subjek Kemahiran Hidup disertakan dalam silibus sekolah rendah dan menengah oleh Madey. Ikut ceritanya Madey perhatikan bahawa di negara barat Handyman dibayar sedap untuk buat benda remeh seperti tukar mentol lampu, baiki paip dan lain-lain benda yang boleh je dibuat sendiri (Do-It Yourself). Madey being Madey dia pun tergerak hati nak suruh generasi baru rakyat Malaysia boleh buat sendiri baik pulih segala benda ini dan lebih lagi iatu dari bercucuk tanam, tukar tangki jamban flush, pateri papan elektronik, kerja kayu, masak nasik goreng, jahit baju dan banyak lagi lalu lahirlah subjek Kemahiran Hidup.

 

Punk jugak Madey ni.

 

Cerita pasal semangat DIY, aku ada terbaca di Amerika Syarikat berkenaan petani-petani yang bising dengan John Deere, iaitu pengeluar traktor dan peralatan pertanian yang meletakkan ‘software lock’ pada traktor dan peralatan pertanian yang mempunyai sistem perkomputeran supaya hanya jurubaiki dari pengedar yang sah sahaja boleh membuat sebarang baikpulih. Serupa juga macam ahem.. pencetak HP yang menyorokkan kod dalam security update bagi driver yang akan menolak sebarang dakwat pihak ketiga daripada digunakan.

 

Eh sukahati lah nak guna produk consumables OEM atau pihak ketiga atau nak baiki sendir ke apa. Sebagaimana perlu ada pilihan untuk beli produk kau, mesti juga ada pilihan untuk guna consumables pihak ketiga atau nak baiki sendiri. Apesal tak boleh pulak? Kalau warranty period tak habis lagi lain la cerita.

 

Setakat kali terakhir aku check hak untuk ‘right to repair’ di kalangan pengguna traktor John Deere masih belum lagi diputuskan dalam mana-mana Mahkamah di Amerika. Menarik juga bila difikirkan pasal ianya adalah pertembungan antara dua idea yang selalu dikaitkan dengan Amerika Syarikat itu sendiri iaitu freedom (termasuklah right to repair itu tadi) dan juga sistem hypercapitalism menjadi-jadi yang menjadi pedoman mereka setelah sekian lama. Yang mana akan prevail? Entah. Aku nak dok tepi kunyah popcorn.

 

Oh ya, bila menaip ini aku dah ingat kenapa aku dah lama tak buat binding dan minta tolong pupil atau kakak staff. Semuanya pasal tulang belakang aku yang mengingatkan. Sakit kemain. Nak urut sendiri tak boleh pulak.

 

Anyway,

 

Niat itu penting. Mula dengan benda mudah. Gosok baju sendiri, buat burger patty sendiri, sental jamban sendiri, basuh pinggan sendiri. Kita terlalu lentok dan lena di dodoi jingle konsumerism dan janji-janji kapitalis yang kata asal ada wang semua jalan. Selagi boleh buat sendiri kita cuba buat sendiri. Ada rasa bangga lain macam bila kau buat sesuatu dengan sendiri walaupun sedikit bengkok-bengkok sebab itu hasil kerja kau sendiri. Peluh, masa dan kesabaran kau sendiri yang digunapakai/keluar. Lain macam perasaan dia.

 

Simbahan air yang mengejut dari lena adalah PKP sewaktu COVID19 mengganas dahulu.  Bila dipaksa terperuk dalam rumah kita tak ada pilihan tapi untuk menilai semula apa kemahuan dan apa keperluan, skillset apa yang sangat perlu sampai ada mini revival DIY spirit itu dari suami yang belajar masak tak jadi pastu share di FB, carta sayur dan ikan yang disediakan untuk para suami pegi beli di pasar dan bermacam lagi. Sekarang? Entah. Aku tak tau sama ada kita sudah kembali kepada tabiat pra-PKP dahulu. Cukuplah jadi pengguna semata-mata hidup bertatang, makan berhidang.

 

Aku tulis pasal benda ini pun untuk ingatkan diri aku sendiri juga supaya bukak tali leher, selinsing lengan baju dan sental jamban pejabat dengan bersungguh-sungguh. Tak pun sesekali buat binding sendiri.

 

Baru la Punk.

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Sekejap

Again, I was lucky to be upright and functioning this morning at Shah Alam court. Two nights prior a friend invited me to second chair for a case involving a restoration of a vintage piece of equipment by an expert. So last night I went to take a quick look at the cause papers and the documents to form a first impression of the matter. The owner claimed there was a guarantee given by the expert on time it would take, the expert said it was an estimate subject to payments and availability of replacement parts requested by the owner. The owner took his sweet time to make payments and yet expected fast results. When the restoration took longer than first estimated the owner cried, Fraud! and proceeded to file a legal suit against the expert. Mind you this is no mass produced junk being restored and yet the owner dared to expect a beautiful result in a short span of time and at minimal costs. As for me, in between catching up with the said friend, throwing around possible ideas for trial, that quick look lasted until the wee hours. Oh well, I got time.

Time.

Then on my drive back from Shah Alam Court, there was a discussion on the radio about Henry David Thoreau’s piece about walking. Being an unrepentant walker forced to work at the pace of fossil fuel driven madness this piqued my interest. It was said that walking is the most democratic activity one can indulge in. Everyone walks to certain extent be you a commoner as I am or some other hoity-toity titled entity. Sure walking takes time but that is the whole point. To take the time. I can confirm that most of my problems can be solved and have been solved by walking. It was that time between crossing streets and dodging puddles that allows my brain to make connections from two seemingly separate things or ideas. Solvitur Ambulando indeed. I ought to walk more. I used to walk a lot.

Speaking of walking and time, two days before, I went for a long walk at the local park with my youngest to get him some away time from screens (damned screens) and to look at greeneries and things. Something I noticed about public parks is that the people of working age are always either jogging or running with the look of ticking off an item from their mental to-do list in their eyes as if already thinking of things to do next after the jog while the old if they move at all, moved at a deliberate pace (early morning tai chi), slow walk on the pebbly strewn reflexology path. Unhurried, not pressed for time. Enjoying themselves. Whereas the very young switches between sudden bursts of energy at the playground to slow observation of all the wonders a park can offer. Why does taking time have to be the province of the retired and the very young? Why can’t us the working adults do the same? What’s the rush?

George Mac Donald, a friend of Lewis Carroll and one of the earliest pioneers of fantasy fiction once wrote:

"Certainly work is not always required of a man. There is such a thing as a sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected" 

When I first read that quote I was thumping the table in agreement and exclaiming By God, the man speaks the truth! (It is). Mind you this quote dates to 1870 where steam engines are an indispensable assets to all manner of industries which in turn spawned a frenzy of productivity and expansion (stim dowh). At that time Marx was working on the 2nd volume of Das Kapital, Scramble for Africa is but 10 years away and mechanization already had people working, working and working like mad. Perhaps, George Mac Donald was reminiscing on the days before steam, before the madness for capital and productivity. So, it is not really a modern problem after all, this rushing about here and there.

For me idleness is that it is that time between things where you just switch off for a bit. That bit where you live your life and feel alive, between trying to make a living and staying alive. That small bit (should be bigger anyways). That sunny, peaceful valley in between the mountains of madness of our daily life. It is there, we just have to find it. We just have to take the time for it.

I am trying to not make this a rail about the dangers of modern life but it seems that taking time has been taken for granted. Considered to be an old-fashioned thing, unproductive, even. To rush is productive, to run like hell is good, to be busy is to be looked upon favourably but where are we rushing off to, really?

During lunchtime, I came across an article from The Atlantic about procrastination being a productive state of being in terms of creative works. The said article was entitled The Antidote to the Cult of Self Discipline. Despite of its title it was more on the need to take time in order to create something beautiful rather than a rail against self discipline. Ok-lah, a rail it was but against productivity rather than against self-discipline. Of course there were references made to works done in defiance of the office hours and what constitutes as productive use of time but this line in particular caught my eye:

‘’ … it’s the strange mental collisions between the thinking mind and the wandering mind that yield the most interesting results. These are the moments when artistry sneaks in unbidden; Annabel understands that if art is created out of life, the latter has to have space to happen.’’

To this I wholeheartedly agree and say that it extends beyond creation of arts or artistry. It is not procrastination either. Rather, it is the time for ideas and thoughts to gel together. Besides, who or where was it said that we human beings do not learn from absorbing information. We learn from reflecting on things. Making connection from what we have absorbed with what we have experienced. Just like walking, that too, takes time.

If time is one of the natural order of things, then to take time is surely in accordance with nature.

Doughs need time for the yeast to do its magic, a chili plant even with fertilizers would need time to bear fruit. We still need time to rest and sleep to perform optimally for despite all the energy drinks and stimulants in the world nothing can ever compare to a good nights sleep and to be sure, there is a world of difference between an instant maggi asam laksa and lovingly crafted actual asam laksa. One is survival food, the other, soul food. And we ate far too many maggi asam laksa. We feed our body but forget to nourish our soul, thinking that accumulation of more and the quicker in the doing is better. Is it, really?

To be good, to produce good things is to take your time. Yet, we push ourselves pedal to the metal almost everyday in the name of productivity that taking your time is almost a dirty word. Is it any wonder that we are a society rife with anxieties, depression and all sorts of other mental and emotional issues. Nowadays, we know the value of time, we calculate it obsessively and bemoan its lack in terms of productivity but not of its meaning in relation to Life as a whole. Waiting, is for losers, Patience is a long-lost word. We have forgotten its meaning and somewhere along the way we drank the sirap (or Koolaid if you prefer it) of modernity and have joined the cult of speed.

Slow down.

Give a hug, a kiss, dance a slow dance with no music on. Invest in a full-on tickling contest with your kids. Build that Lego set with your kid. Walk or even run in the rain deliberately. A long walk in the morning or in the evening. Enjoy the sunrise or sunset. Sit on a park bench and observe people going by, observe from the smallest to the biggest of insects flying and crawling around. Be still. Take a deep breath. Take a break. Take a moment to distance yourself from the matter at hand. From your problem. From work. Let the world spin on while we just sit there, alive and yet not an active participant. Merely absorbing the world around us from our senses. Savouring the fact that we are alive, one of millions on this planet with our own dreams and expectations.

Surely, we have the time for that, while we are still alive.

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Mengantuk

There was a time when two straight days of  sleeping after 3 am is nothing. I could still function normally. Nowadays, two days of sleeping late would need at least a week of extra sleep for me to recover else I’d be nothing but a zombie. Upright but not functioning. Not fit company for man or beast. Last time it happened I had a blank spot in my memory. One minute I was drafting something on my laptop then the next thing I knew, I was driving to Shah Alam court. I could not recall what happened in between the two. Today almost turned out the same way.

Last night I was catching up with work that somehow stretched out until the wee hours. Last night was the second consecutive day of going home terribly late. Thankfully I had a friend over to keep me company while we both work on our respective files. Slowly, in between tea, dinner and supper we chipped away at tasks which at first seemed mountainous. Somewhere in the middle a universe has its balance restored, souls were saved from eternal damnation and things were struck off a to-do list. 

Being engrossed with work I forgot until around 2 am that I had court matter this morning. A very light bankruptcy matter. We had to amend our Request for the issuance of Bankruptcy Notice because of a small defect. The funny thing is, the Bankruptcy Notice was issued anyway by the court. So in the interest of keeping things shipshape we filed an amendment application for the Request for the issuance of Bankruptcy Notice. I was sleepy, so sleepy that it was a miracle I arrived in court at all. I registered my attendance at the kiosk but did not look for a seat for me to wait. I dare not sit down for fear of falling asleep and missing my turn when my case number is called in that mechanical voice. It was that bad. I went to the men’s room to splash some water on my face. That kept me alert for a few minutes. So I paced to and fro hoping that by constantly moving I can keep sleep at bay. It worked. 

The thing about pacing around the room of got me thinking of how some things never change. The carpeting that was around since I was a pupil and still comfortingly ugly. The seating and the same faces (ok, some of them) I’ve seen seated upon them. Well the metal benches were fairly new. I think. The same with the kiosk where you key in your attendance. I could not remember how it was before the kiosks were around save one particular period between before the kiosks came into the picture and the old system where it was free for all, utter chaos where you had to write your name on the list pasted outside the respective rooms, line up to wait for your turn in accordance to some order agreed upon by all. Sometimes lawyers would find a way to cut the queue with whatever excuse, genuine or otherwise. Usually, I would skip the lining up altogether and come in at a time I judge to be not too late to be invite reprimand and yet not too early to have me stuck in a long queue like the rest of the debt recovery lawyers. If I get paid for every minute I spent on waiting, I would have had my own yacht by now.

Then my case number was called, which was surprising. It was not a long wait and it cut short my reverie. 

The cute Penolong Kanan Pendaftar looked like she could use a few more hours of sleep. As for myself, I can almost feel my rational brain leaking out of me as I sank into that soft seat. Sleep. Blessed long sleep. I could use one right about then. I felt a yawn coming. A big one. Yawns are contagious. You can tell who is looking at you in a crowded place by faking a yawn. If someone else is yawning immediately after you, chances are he or she is looking at you for whatever reason. But I must not yawn, not in front of the PKP. So I made that face where you are trying hard to suppress a yawn but to hell with it lets just yawn but discreetly and without opening your mouth. Then I saw the PKP doing the same but in a more ladylike manner. Like I said, contagious. 

-Uhh Dengan izin Puan, I began to cut short any other collective displays of sleep deprivation. I explained the reason for me being before her, the defect and the application made to remedy the potential defect only to have the PKP stare at me unblinking. A few seconds passes before she asked: JD (Judgment Debtor) hadir tak?

-Uhh, saya cuba panggil Puan I said unthinking as I rose and walked to the door intending to call out the JD’s name as was the custom  before remembering there was no need to do so. I turned and sat right back down. The PKP looked at me, puzzled and sleepy.

-Puan, kami sedari kekhilafan di dalam Permintaan untuk Mengeluarkan Notis Kebankrapan sebelum sebarang cubaan serahan kertas kausa dibuat kepada JD. Saya tidak rasa JD akan hadir pada pagi ini.

-Jadi Puan, saya dengan rendah diri memohon untuk kebenaran diberikan bagi kami membuat pindaan bagi kekhilafan yang berlaku. 

-Uhh, counsel, you have to make a formal application and not oral application like this.

It was my turn then to stare unblinking at the PKP. Man, she really needs more than a few hours of sleep. She needs it more than I do. 

-Puan,kami telah memfailkan permohonan untuk meminda yang mana telah ditetapkan untuk pendengaran pada pagi ini.

-Ah, I see. Sebentar ya counsel, said the PKP no doubt trying to mentally slap her cheeks to keep herself awake and concentrate on the matter at hand. If she was embarrassed she gave no sign of it. She spent some time, I think, scrolling through the cause papers filed. I kept my gaze down afterwards, pretending to writing things on my court minute, trying to suppress a smile at the minor confusion. It happens, even to the best of us when we lack sleep. 

Cause papers in order, I thanked the PKP and left the room and let out a big yawn. To hell with the lawyers waiting for their turn. They all look like they could use an hour or more of sleep. 

Don’t we all?

I didn’t check if there were any follow up yawns coming from the thinning crowd. I was going to get me some sleep. A good, long sleep. 

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